Fascinating news from the New York Times this week! Reviewing its op-ed titled “I’m a Direct Descendant of Thomas Jefferson. Take Down His Memorial,” I gather we now weigh Americans’ opinions based on who their ancestors are.
I’m not sure that’s a good idea, but the rules are the rules. Otherwise, why would the Times consider it so important to publish Lucian Truscott, a great-great-great-great-great-grandson of Jefferson, at all?
Blut über alles!
Obviously, we’re going to need a list of Whose Opinion Matters. Here’s my first stab at it:
Descendants of George Washington will come next. Some will bicker with this, inasmuch as he is the father of our country, but based on our new standards, he gets demerits for owning slaves—though, unlike Jefferson, at least he freed them on his death. (This is a freebie: Washington’s only child was the United States of America.)
Someone else can fill in the middle range in the Whose Opinion Matters ranking—this is taking a while.
Toward the bottom of the list will be descendants of slave traders, then of slave owners, and below that, descendants of slave owners who pretend to be embarrassed about that fact, but are just bragging, like Truscott. [Tweet him]
Next in the Eminence Ranking will be immigrants (themselves often descendants of slave owners, murderers and rapists). In fact, immigrants may as well not say anything. Their opinions will amount to only about one one-trillionth of a foundational American’s.
Dead last are the blood relations of traitors and anarchists, such as the grandchildren of the hundreds of Soviet spies infiltrating our government during the Cold War, especially any heirs of Alger Hiss, the Weathermen and their children. That wipes out half of our college professors.
I’m surprised at the Times adopting a blood test, but you can’t go around publishing some blowhard demanding we take down a monument based on his ancestry and then drop the ancestry advantage for everyone else.
Speaking as the direct descendant of 13 patriots of the American Revolution, a few Union Soldiers and several strict Presbyterian abolitionists, it’s obvious that my opinion carries vastly more weight than the blood relation of a slave owner, like Truscott.
With full knowledge of the responsibility that comes with that, I say we keep the Jefferson Memorial.
Obviously, I don’t need any reasons beyond the fact that my ancestors are better than Truscott’s. But if you’d care to hear my arguments, they are that Jefferson wrote the Declaration of Independence; he was our third president; he went to war with the Barbary pirates, who kidnapped more than a million Europeans and forced them into slavery; the monument is a work of art; and—most important—removing the Jefferson Memorial would deprive me of a reason to write periodic columns saying …
… Thomas Jefferson fathered none of Sally Hemings’ children.
Here’s the Clip-and-Save version:
We know from the DNA that Jefferson couldn’t have fathered Hemings’ firstborn, Tom. Only her lastborn son, Eston, had the DNA from some Jefferson male, of which there were at least a half-dozen living at or near Monticello when Eston was conceived.
So it all comes down to Eston. There is zero evidence that Jefferson fathered him and boatloads of evidence that he didn’t.
To every cloud there is a silver lining, and the one to the Times’ Ancestry Test for Political Relevance is that we’ll never again have to hear from a professor or student at Yale, a school whose namesake—currently, right now, in 2020—is Elihu Yale, slave trader.
COPYRIGHT 2020 ANN COULTER
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Ann Coulter is the author of THIRTEEN New York Times bestsellers—collect them here.
Her book, ¡Adios America! The Left’s Plan To Turn Our Country Into A Third World Hell Hole, was released on June 1, 2015.
Her latest book, Resistance Is Futile!: How the Trump-Hating Left Lost Its Collective Mind, was released on August 21, 2018.