Radio Derb Does CPAC
March 16, 2013, 03:21 PM
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There was a lot of unsavory stuff in the week's news, all of which we at Radio Derb, as responsible journalists, felt obliged to report: "Bestiality, cannibalism, royal gastroentiritis, and a gamy ex-dictator." [MP3]

There was also, however, some straightforwardly political news. CPAC, for example:

The different factions of conservatives are defined by what is most salient to them. What's salient to social conservatives are issues of faith and family, opposition to abortion and homosexual marriage, patriotism and respect for law. What's salient to neocons is a huge military establishment, putting the Middle East to rights, remaining dominant in the Pacific, open borders and free trade. What's salient to libertarians is individual liberty, minimal government, and sound national finances.

The problem is, these are not a movement, they are three movements, who on key points of policy can't stand the sight of each other. Libertarians want social conservatives to stay out of their bedrooms; social conservatives want neocons to enforce immigration laws; neocons want libertarians to agree to deficit financing so we can build a couple more carrier groups.

Here's my suggestion: A tag wrestling match between Marco Rubio, Jeb Bush, and Rand Paul: two falls, two submissions, or a knockout to decide the winner. Then at least the damn movement will have a leader, and we can take things from there.