Satanic
Radio Derb Transcript Up: Even Satanists Didn't Want Cruz
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May 04, 2016, 06:45 AM
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The Radio Derb transcript is up—here's a sample.  This segment, recorded Friday,  ends with the words "When not even Old Scratch wants you, it's surely time to quit. Go home to Texas, Ted. It's over." Radio Derb gets results!
03 — GOP loses the Satanist vote. It's shameful to mock the afflicted, I know, but the pleasure of watching Trump rise is compounded by the satisfaction of watching Cruz fall. In Tuesday's five primaries Crus polled 21, 19, 16, 12, and 10 percent.

Cruz reacted on Wednesday by naming Carly Fiorina as his choice for a vice-presidential candidate on the Cruz ticket. Ms Fiorina was so thrilled she broke into song. [Clip: Fiorina singing.] Thank you, Ms, ah, Fiorina. We'll let you know. Next!

For immigration patriots, the tapping of Fiorina blew right out of the water Cruz's claim to have wised up on this topic. Once Trump seized the immigration issue, speaking forthrightly about the need to have a properly controlled system for entry and exit, Cruz realized that his call last year for a fivefold increase in guest-worker visas was going to be a millstone round his neck on the primary trail. He pretended to see the light, claiming he just hadn't concentrated on immigration policy before but was learning fast.

Well, so much for that. On immigration, Carly Fiorina is to the left of Mark Zuckerberg — total open borders. Nobody who gives a damn about our nation's demographic stability should be in the same room with her, let alone on the same ticket. Cruz was just faking it.

The explanation I'm hearing around the office is, that Cruz has just given up on the nomination and decided to turn to the big-money donors, who of course are all open-borders types, to keep him in campaign funds till the clock runs out. Those funds don't melt away like faerie gold once you lose. They're still there, for expenses and future campaigns.

Possibly so. Cruz might just be that cynical. One person who likely thinks so is former House Speaker John Boehner. During a relaxed non-broadcast event at Stanford University on Wednesday evening, Boehner was asked by a Stanford history professor to give a frank opinion about Ted Cruz. Boehner grimaced, drawing laughter from the student audience. Then he let fly with, quote: "Lucifer in the flesh. I have Democrat friends and Republican friends. I get along with almost everyone, but I have never worked with a more miserable son of a bitch in my life." End quote.

This naturally hurt the feelings of Satanists. Lucien Greaves, leading light — or dark, I guess — of the Satanic Temple in the U.S.A., hissed to Slate.com that, quote: "Christians can't just push Cruz off on Satanists. We don't f—ing want him." End quote.

What, not at any price? For Ted's soul, I mean.

Memo to Ted: When not even Old Scratch wants you, it's surely time to quit. Go home to Texas, Ted. It's over.