Bush Proposes Making Illegal Immigrants 'Guest Voters' Would Be One-Day Citizens on November 7 Thursday, October 26, 2006, The Borowitz Report .com
In his boldest stroke to date to break the logjam over illegal immigration, President George W. Bush today proposed a "guest voter" program for illegal immigrants that would make them eligible to vote in the midterm elections on November 7.
Speaking at a press conference at the White House this morning, Mr. Bush said that his "guest voter" proposal would allow illegal immigrants to attain full citizenship status for one day only.
"Illegal immigrants are important to this country, because they do many of the things that other Americans are unwilling to do," the president said. "Like voting."
According to the president's plan, undocumented immigrants would be bused to special "naturalization/voting booths" on November 7 where they could become citizens for the day simply by pulling a lever.
"Then, when their work is done, we'll make sure they're back on the other side of the border by November 8," Mr. Bush said. "Everyone wins."
But Mr. Bush's guest voter program received mix reviews from congressional Democrats, many of whom believe that glitches in the so-called naturalization/voting booths could lead to invalid election results.
In particular, critics have complained that in an early prototype of the booth, the translation of the phrase "I want to be a U.S. citizen" appeared as "Vote for all Republican candidates with this lever."
Meanwhile, back in the real world, one the main problems House Republicans have with Bush's legalization proposals is that citizenship is forever, and they don't think Hispanics will be pulling the Republican lever. When you consider that Robert Dornan and Brian Bilbray were both defeated by illegal Hispanic votes, you can imagine how Republican Congressman feel about the sudden appearance of new bloc of Democratic citizens in their districts.