Hispanic?

Portuguese-Americans against being declared Hispanic 

A survey by a Portuguese-American group has so far seen 90 percent of its almost five thousand respondents oppose moves to have people of Portuguese descent declared Hispanic. 

The survey was set up by Palcus, which was created in 1991 by a select group of Portuguese-American professionals who recognised the need to address issues of importance to the Portuguese-American community of the United States.

The questionnaire of Portuguese-Americans resulted after it emerged the US Census Bureau is planning to add Portuguese to the Hispanic designation of ethnicity for the 2020 National Census.

“As there has been much debate about whether or not Portuguese should be considered Hispanic, Palcus is conducting national survey to gauge the overall sentiment of the Portuguese-American community on this issue”, the organisation said in explaining its idea to create a survey. ...

Some notable personalities of Portuguese-descent are actor Tom Hanks (his mother is Portuguese), Keanu Reeves (actor), Katy Perry (singer/song-writer), Steve Perry (lead singer of Journey, who sang ‘Don’t Stop Believing’) and US congressman Tony Coelho.

But, but, how can Tom Hanks's kids not deserve affirmative action?

Pay no attention to ancient rivalries of Hispanics and Lusitanians! The point is to get as many people invested in the racial/ethnic spoils system as possible. Sure, Tom Hanks may seem like a normal American white guy (heck, he may seem like the normal American white guy), but that's just your ethnic insensitivity speaking. No doubt, he has been victimized by our society's pervasive institutional anti-Lusitanianism. Admit it — you weren't even aware that "anti-Lusitanianism" is a word! That just proves that Tom is a victim, so his descendants unto the 7th generation must be accorded hereditary Hispanic privileges.

The Obama Administration had better fix this quick and declare Tom Hanks Hispanic. Then, Tom would be a great Democratic Presidential nominee against Marco Rubio in 2016.

(By the way, according to a classic article by the Pew Hispanic Center, legally, anybody is Hispanic who feels like saying they are Hispanic.)