[Music clip: One of Haydn's Derbyshire Marches on piano with Old Hundredth on the organ.]01 — Intro. And Radio Derb is on the air! Continuing our new style of presenting interesting or unusual versions of Haydn's Derbyshire Marches, at least until the nation screams for us to stop, that was one of the marches played on the piano, simultaneously with Old Hundredth on the organ.Eccentric, I know. It actually reminded me of that comedy quiz show that used to run on the radio over in England, called I'm Sorry, I haven't a Clue. The point of the show was to get the panel of comedians to do silly things. One thing they frequently had to do was sing the words of one song to the tune of another: for example, the words of "Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious" to the tune of "Deutschland Über Alles." It's harder than you'd think.We're still looking for someone who can give a good rendering of Haydn on the spoons.Meanwhile, this is your eclectically genial host John Derbyshire with a roundup of news and opinions on this, Thanksgiving Week, and Week Three of the Trumpening. Greetings to all, and I hope your Thanksgiving dinner was not the scene of too much political rancor. In the event that it was, I am told that gravy and stuffing stains on wallpaper can be removed with an application of dilute Chlorox bleach. In the event it really was, bloodstains are best tackled with cold water while still fresh.It is a joyous Thanksgiving for us immigration patriots, as our man continues interviewing for his executive team while the nation echoes to the festive sound of liberals' heads exploding. [Bang!] Oh, there goes another one. Happy, happy days!
02 — National security and crock management. As Radio Derb goes to tape here, The Donald is taking a Thanksgiving break with the family down at his spread in Palm Beach, Florida. Sincere wishes from us here to them there for a cheerful and relaxing long weekend.This follows a week of firming up some lower-level picks for the Trump cabinet. We got Kansas Congressman Mike Pompeo as nominee for CIA Director, a post which needs Senate confirmation, and General Michael Flynn as National Security Advisor, which doesn't.I can't claim to know much about either person; but they are hated by all the right people, so that's good. In the case of National Security Advisor, it's also hopeful to look at who General Flynn is replacing: Mulatto Mafia diversicrat Susan Rice, eager camp follower of Mrs Clinton and one of Radio Derb's designated Three Horsegirls of the Libyan Apocalypse, the other two being Samantha Power and the Hildebeest itself. Gen. Flynn can only be an improvement.Later in the week we got some more minor picks. Nikki Haley, Governor of South Carolina, is to be our ambassador to the United Nations.I can't say I'm a fan of Governor Haley. After a lunatic with a Confederate Battle Flag in his attic murdered nine people in Charleston last year, Governor Haley led the charge to eliminate the flag from public display, thereby ceding public policy to the whims of lunatics.Ambassador to the U.N. is, however, such a joke of a posting that I can't work up any feelings about the appointment. The U.N. is a waste of good New York real estate, as I hope President Trump will come to realise. My personal pick for this job would have been Pee Wee Herman.Another diversity pick seems to be Ben Carson. I say "seems to be" because Dr Carson is playing the shy bride, declining to say whether he'll take the job or not. Apparently he wants to be courted. This confirms the dark suspicions about Dr Carson that you hear in some quarters; but again, this is not a very consequential post, so nothing to get worked up about one way or the other.I don't even understand why the republic needs a Department of Housing and Urban Development. Isn't this just a legacy of the mid-20th-century Planning craze — the philosophy that gave us Brasilia, Cabrini Green, and the chancrous housing projects of Liverpool where I worked for two years?Again, though, Dr Carson is at least an American of some professional accomplishment. He'd make a refreshing contrast with the current HUD Secretary, affirmative-action mediocrity Julian Castro.My dismissive feelings about the posts of U.N. Ambassador and HUD Secretary can be squared and cubed for the post of Education Secretary.I wrote in We Are Doomed that, quote:
The whole culture of professional educators is addled with chicanery, corruption, rent-seeking, time-serving, and lies … Reading through the literature of present-day ed biz, every time you think you've found an argument, assertion, or proposal than which nothing could possibly be dumber, something dumber soon shows up.End quote. I have since become much more negative. I have in fact progressed from being an education minimalist to an education nihilist. It's all just a stupendous waste, to no purpose.I'll qualify my nihilism slightly. I'll allow that up to about fourth or fifth grade, kids need to be sat at desks in rows under firm discipline and have the basics of reading, writing, and arithmetic hammered into their silly heads. Everything after that, though, is just child-minding.Whether this has always been the case, I couldn't swear. Nineteenth-century Britain, which built a vast and remarkably efficient world empire staffed by men whose education consisted entirely of memorizing Latin texts, suggests that it has been. Regardless: In this age of cell phones and iPads, there is surely no doubt that any inquisitive child can learn anything he wants to learn without adult supervision.A great many kids of course don't want to learn anything, and won't, under any system. They don't learn anything now, as we see every time some TV show sends a reporter into the streets to ask passers-by the name of the Vice President, or to say which century the Civil War was fought in. My own two kids, both bright and witty, raised in a house full of books, did four years of school Spanish each; neither can utter a complete sentence in Spanish.Education is a crock. Federal supervision of education is just another layer of make-work bureaucracy — a fifth or sixth layer — of crock management.I suspect, and hope, Donald Trump knows this. Whether he does or not, the President has no power to disband the Department of Education, which would be the most beneficial thing for the country. He has therefore nominated some fellow billionaire's wife for the post of Education Secretary. I'm sure she'll do fine.
03 — The tadpole cabinet. For those of us convinced that continuing mass Third World immigration is the major threat to our republic, with the malicious stoking of anti-white resentment as runner-up in the threat league, President Trump's cabinet is anyway a tadpole: a huge and very important head attached to a not-very-consequential tail.That head is comprised of the two posts that oversee most of our population policy: Attorney General and Secretary of Homeland Security.Those two posts don't encompass all of our population policy. The State Department has significant input to our refugee resettlement programs, a vast and corrupt money racket. State Department employees in our embassies and consulates abroad also issue visas — far too many, with far too little scrutiny. I'd dearly like to see an immigration patriot at State, but it doesn't look as though I'm going to.Attorney General and DHS Secretary are the big ones, though, the head of the tadpole. The news that Senator Jeff Sessions is under serious consideration for A-G, and Kris Kobach for the DHS, is simply wonderful. These are two men who want the people's laws on entry and immigration firmly enforced; and, in the many areas where the laws work against the interests of U.S. citizens, they want the laws changed.With Senator Jeff as A-G there will also be a righteous cleaning-out of the stables at the Justice Department. The Civil Rights Division has degenerated into an ATM for anti-white activist groups, sluicing public money to them through grants and lawsuits. With Sessions in charge, the race hustlers will have to find real jobs in the actual economy … if they can. Immigration issues aside, that will be something wonderful to see.We don't have either man in office yet, though. The cheap-labor lobbies and the anti-white activists will fight tooth and nail to prevent congressional confirmation of these patriots.They might succeed. The Senate has to confirm both nominations. In the 115th Congress, which takes its seats on January 3rd, the Senate will likely have 52 Republicans, 46 Democrats, and two Independents. "Independent" is a fancy way of saying "left-liberal"; indeed, one of the two Independents is Bernie Sanders. The other is Angus King of Maine, graded F-minus on immigration by NumbersUSA. That's worse than Bernie, who's a C-minus.So it's 52-48 in the Senate. The 48 are of course all going to vote both Sessions and Kobach down. If the Third World immigration spigot is shut off, the Democratic Party has no future.The 52 are problematic, though. Some high proportion of the GOP Senators are bought-and-paid-for shills for the cheap labor lobbies — what we at VDARE.com sometimes call the Slave Power. The mentality of Jeb Bush, who ran for the GOP nomination on a platform of preferring Mexicans to Americans, is widespread among Republicans.This is going to be the fight of the century. We can win it, though. We have killed two attempts to force immigration amnesty through Congress. We can kill the efforts to block Sessions and Kobach using the same methods. Call, email, and write your Senators. Don't let up on them. They respond to this kind of pressure. It's worked before, it'll work again.A tadpole without a head is a sorry sight. set on the surface of the Moon; Jonathan Miller produced a Rigoletto with the Duke and his men as mafiosi in New York's Little Italy. Hoo-kay … keep trying, guys.As you can tell, I'm not myself a keen consumer of this sort of thing, but I don't see any principled objection to people trying it. I haven't seen Hamilton and don't plan to. I've read two reviews, Rick Brookhiser's favorable one and Gregory Hood's scathing one. I've watched clips from some of the song-and-dance numbers on YouTube. I still have no urge to buy a ticket for the thing, certainly not at the absurdly inflated prices I see quoted; not while Mozart, Verdi, Wagner, and — be still, my heart! — Bellini are on offer at the Met for half those prices. That, however, is just the voice of a geezer who hasn't taken much interest in pop music since the Nixon administration, so don't take me as your entertainment guide.The real interest of Hamilton for me is sociological. Having attended this show is a status marker for Goodwhite gentry liberals. A ticket stub from Hamilton isn't just a showbiz souvenir; it's a Virtue Signal.Gregory Hood tells us that the audience is, quote, "overwhelmingly white." This raises all sorts of awkward questions that Goodwhites seem not capable of asking. For example: Isn't Hamilton just a minstrel show? Doesn't the phrase "cultural appropriation" apply? Would a show about the Civil Rights movement with an all-white cast — Johnny Depp playing Martin Luther King, perhaps — be acceptable? And so on.Well, I'll leave you to ponder these deep issues among yourselves. Hamilton was in the news this week because Vice President-elect Mike Pence attended a performance last Friday, November 18th, and was booed by the audience. Then, after the curtain calls at the end of the performance, the black actor who plays Aaron Burr came to stage front and read Pence a whiny little lecture about how, quote, "alarmed and anxious," end quote, nonwhite Americans are over Donald Trump's election. I thought he was going to beg the new administration to set aside some safe spaces, but he stopped short of that.Mike Pence, who is the very soul of Midwestern Nice, took it all in good part. I'm not sure that's the right approach. To be lectured by a bunch of bubblehead actors is neither here nor there. They're actors. Who cares what they think?The behavior of the audience was disgraceful, though, and I don't think niceness is the correct response. As George Orwell observed during the London blitz in WW2: "If someone drops a bomb on your mother, go and drop two bombs on his mother." That's more the New York spirit. I hope it's the Trump spirit.Goodwhites pose as our moral superiors: so-o-o-o tolerant, open-minded, progressive, humane … They are in fact, though, nasty pieces of work: vindictive, self-righteous, cruel, contemptuous of their fellow citizens. The correct response to all that is not niceness, it's a good hard kick in the crotch.Mike Pence's niceness seems in fact to be in danger of making him a standard target for Goodwhite contempt — an emblem, for them, of the flyover rubes whose Badwhite stupidity brought us President-elect Trump.If you want to plumb the depths of that contempt — the sneering, seething disdain and loathing that Goodwhite elites feel for their fellow citizens — and if you have a strong stomach, I recommend to your attention the October 10th issue of New Yorker magazine, page 47, title The Pences Visit Manhattan. Note the date: this is from before the election.It's a spoof piece mocking the naivety, religious faith, and provincial values of Mr and Mrs Pence. The opening two sentences give the basic idea. Quote:
Governor Mike Pence was having a romantic dinner with the love of his life, Mrs. Mike Pence, at the Red Lobster in Times Square. The Governor knew that as Vice-President he would have to attend foreign banquets, so he and Mrs. Pence were trying to broaden their palates.End quote. It's downhill from there. Read the whole thing, if your stomach will take it, and if you can do so without running out into the street and smacking the first Goodwhite liberal you meet on his designer-stubbled jaw.These are not nice people. Let's return to them the same contempt and loathing they feel for us.Midwestern nice — pah! Give me Noo Yawk nasty every time. HEY, JACKASS!
05 — The Alt Right salute? Richard Spencer, a white separatist who is a prominent figure on the Alt Right, wound up the conference of his National Policy Institute last Saturday with the following call.
[Clip: "Hail Trump! Hail our people! Hail victory!"]Richard then raised high his glass, which he was holding in his right hand, in what looked to me like a toast to those sentiments.That got the audience to their feet, cheering and clapping. Some of them gave a Nazi salute, raising their own right arms up straight, palms out.How many of them? Five seems to be the consensus number, out of around two hundred in the room. That would be less than three percent, which I think is the definition of a lunatic fringe.Because Richard did much to popularize the term "Alt Right," and because Steve Bannon, Donald Trump's strategy advisor, has said friendly things about the Alt Right, this incident of course spawned headlines about triumphant Nazis supporting Trump. A three-minute video clip of snippets from Richard's speech had over two million views on YouTube when I looked just now.There is much to be said about this. Roger Dooghy said a lot of it in a VDARE.com post this Thursday. Here's my ten cents' worth; although, rehearsing it in my mind beforehand, it came out as more like twenty cents, so I'll spread my remarks out over two or three segments.My first thought about this fuss was precisely the same as Peter Brimelow's, as also recorded here on VDARE.com, November 23rd. Like Peter, I was annoyed with Richard for giving the media this kind of material to feast on just when all our efforts for patriotic immigration reform might at last be about to get a receptive ear in the White House. It's feeding the beast, when we should be gearing up to starve the beast. It also, as Peter wrote, threw into the shade a lot of good sensible things that were said by other speakers at the conference, including Peter himself.Then came my second thought, reacting against my first thought. Second thought, in a nutshell: No enemies to the right. I've known Richard for some years. I call him a friend, and I don't trash my friends.I've already ticked off some subset of the Radio Derb listenership just by saying that. I know it: I've had emails, and one actual phone call, urging me to denounce Richard. Denounce! they urge: Denounce! Denounce! If I don't denounce, these people tell me, I'll be yoked with Richard in the public mind, and I'll get vilified along with him.I'm sorry to disappoint, but denunciation really isn't my thing. To my ears, it has a whiff of Stalinism about it; the more so since I've been denounced myself.So, sorry, but I just don't do Stalinism. I leave it to Stalinists, and those too cowardly to take a stand against them.As for getting vilified as an accomplice of Richard's: If I told you I am quaking in my boots about this, I'd be telling you an untruth. I'm 71 years old and have had cancer. On my personal list of anxieties, being vilified by a shrieking posse of CultMarx bedwetters — by anyone at all, in fact — is way down low on the list, along with hangnails, a military coup in Malawi, and the Heat Death of the Universe.The pertinent issue here is of course not whether I do Stalinism or not: It's whether Richard Spencer and/or his followers do Nazism. Let's take a look at that. Kevin MacDonald moving around behind the scenery here. Professor MacDonald was in fact a speaker at this NPI conference.I assume, although again I'm not totally clear about this, I assume that Richard is glad for the Jews to have Israel as their homeland. For someone of Richard's views, supposing I have described them correctly, Zionism is something of an inspiration. What the Zionists did is what Richard dreams of doing: carving out a homeland for his people.In his speech at the conference, he actually quoted Theodor Herzl, the George Washington of modern Zionism, to the bafflement of the New York Times. He did so cheekily; but that's Richard's style, cheeky. I'll say more about that in a moment.And on the subject of antisemitism, I'll note in passing that in the year 2016, antisemitism is today much more characteristic of the political Left than of the Right. Britain's Labour Party is now quite openly antisemitic. Black Muslim Congressman Keith Ellison, being spoken of this week as the new head of the Democratic National Committee, has a long paper trail of hostility to Israel. He was formerly an associate of Louis Farrakhan.You can of course dig out an antisemite or two from any point of the political spectrum; but if it's the mother lode you're seeking, the political Left is the place to look nowadays.For further insights into Richard's point of view, I recommend the half-hour interview he gave to Red Ice TV on November 22nd. You can easily find it for yourself by putting "red ice tv spencer" into the Google search box.If you don't have half an hour to spend on that, here are some main points Richard makes in the Red Ice interview, with my responses to them. New segment. a Wikipedia page. You did the Bellamy Salute as you recited the Pledge of Allegiance. Quote from the Wikipedia page: "It was officially replaced by the hand-over-heart salute when Congress amended the Flag Code on December 22, 1942," end quote.Yeah, yeah, OK; but the Nazis poisoned that well for good, along with many others.I have a side interest in linguistics. I can tell you that the huge family to which most languages of Europe, West Asia, and North India belong is called "Indo-European." It used to be called "Aryan," which is a perfectly good descriptor, with an impeccable etymology.So why do we now use six clumsy syllables to name this language family where formerly we used two crisp ones? You know why. Poisoned wells, poisoned by the damn Nazis. It's futile to try un-poisoning them, unless you're seriously bereft of any better way to spend your time. You just have to go along with this stuff.So, sorry, Richard: That salute is a Nazi salute. To deny that is just cranky and eye-roll-inducing, like calling our language family "Aryan" would be. Our grandfathers said "Aryan" with no ill intent; our grandfathers gave the Bellamy Salute, likewise. That was then; this is now.• Point 2: There is no such thing as bad publicity.Everybody's now talking about the Alt Right. Richard's ideas have a public audience now, which formerly they didn't. Some portion of that audience will respond positively to them. That's his argument.My response: OK, but the Alt Right is a big tent. Nazi salutes are going to turn off people who might be receptive to non-Spencerian Alt Right ideas. Ideas like my less rigid ethnocentrism: the beliefs that yes, to be stable and harmonious, I agree that a nation needs to maintain a super-majority of one race — ninety percent is about right — while practicing tolerance and legal equality for racial minorities, but while also practicing honest realism about race differences.I'd like people to take up those ideals of mine. If they have Nazi salutes on their mind, many won't who otherwise might.• Point 3. Owning the insult.The CultMarx crowd call us Nazis anyway, says Richard correctly. They call you a Nazi if you oppose Affirmative Action or Black Lives Matter, or if you just speak openly about black misbehavior. They call you a Nazi if you favor tax reduction, or charter schools, or immigration law enforcement. Screw 'em. Throw it right back at 'em! Nazi, you say? How'd you like this then, suckers?I'm not unsympathetic to that. I'm even a little envious.Why envious? Well, let me re-label that as Point 3(a). It goes with a different point, Point 3(b).• Point 3(b): Ironic exuberance.The crowd at the NPI conference was a young crowd. A friend who was there estimates the median age as around thirty. Richard himself is 38.If you're in your thirties like that, you grew up under strict ideological conformity. Your teachers and college instructors were solidly CultMarx. The movies and TV programs you watched were all impregnated with the CultMarx ether: anti-American, anti-white, anti-male, anti-heterosexual. Your boomer parents were likely CultMarx, from Dad's pony tail to Mom's Birkenstocks.Young people of spirit are naturally going to kick back against that. Three years ago at TakiMag I posted a column titled "Why Isn't Racism Cool?" If you're a spunky young person, I wrote, one of life's sweetest pleasures is vexing your elders.There's hardly any fun in being young if you're not ticking off your parents. Given that the parents of an educated thirtysomething are likely to be left-liberal boomers, what's going to tick them off more than racism?There's a lot of that among the younger Alt Right crowd.There's also a lot of irony. They've grown up in an age of irony. To Americans my age, who didn't, it's noticeable how young people so often speak ironically, sounding like they mean something that they don't really mean.Put the two things together — the desire to vex the stuffy old farts who run the world, and a style of diction and gesture soaked in irony — and you arrive at Richard's claim, in the Red Ice interview, that what happened, happened, quote, "in a spirit of ironic exuberance.""Ironic exuberance," yes. With all that in mind, I wasn't very surprised to learn that one of the people photographed giving the ironic-Nazi-Roman-Bellamy salute identifies himself as half Jewish, and another one identifies her-self as full Vietnamese.These are high-spirited young people kicking over the traces, sticking it to the old farts by throwing the old farts' most potent insults right back in their faces.Hence my envy. I'm not young. There is in fact quite a gulf between geezers like myself, who are more or less sympathetic to the Alt Right, and the young fire-eaters who are driving it.This, if you'll excuse me, is worth one more segment by itself.
08 — The Alt Right age gap. It's a common wisdom among military folk that a man is no use in combat after about the age of 35. Age brings caution, reflection, wisdom. If you want a soldier who will run whooping and hollering towards enemy machine-gun fire, a twenty-year-old is your best bet. Older people think too much.Of course, both the impulsive exuberance of youth and the calm wisdom of age have important social roles to play. If Alexander the Great had had the mentality of a sixty-year-old, we'd never have heard of him: if the mature George Washington had been less mature, we'd never have heard of him. Everything in its place.Still, the young fools don't know much, and the geezers can't do much, and this could develop into a real schism among the Alt Right: Richard Spencer marching off like the Pied Piper with all the fizzed-up young Alt Right spirits, geezers like me and Peter and Jared Taylor left to drone on to roomfuls of other geezers. That I think would be a shame. I think in fact it would destroy the whole enterprise.One sign that such a schism had developed would be if Alt Right graybeards like Peter and me and Jared Taylor refused to have anything to do with Richard Spencer and his organization. This might actually be happening, if some rumors I'm hearing are true. Again, I think it would be a shame.So, Derb, would you yourself speak at one of Richard's functions, given what happened at last week's conference? Yes I would; but only after I'd seen Richard impose some discipline on his ranks, expel a few nutcases, and give clear assurances that there'd be no Nazi salutes … Roman salutes, whatever he likes to call them.To run hollering at an enemy machine-gun emplacement is a fine and noble thing for a soldier to do. Good soldiering needs discipline, though, and guidance from graybeards on the General Staff, working the strategy.In summary, then. Were the antics on display at the end of the NPI conference annoying to those of us anxious to get some practical political work on the National Question moved forward without distractions that feed opposition hysteria? Yes they were.Were those antics not also disrespectful, however accidentally, to the memories of those persons — including some of my close relatives — who fought and suffered to defeat Nazism; not to mention those who died, either fighting under arms or hustled defenseless into cattle wagons to be murdered after having their property, liberty, and dignity stripped from them? Yes they were.And were those antics also exactly what you would expect to see from young people of intelligence and spirit reacting spontaneously to having been raised in an atmosphere of stifling ideological conformity, in a political culture vigilantly patroled by hysterical old maids of both sexes? Yes they were.And does the media cover-up of the antifa attacks on conference attendees reveal yet again, as if it needed revealing yet again, that our Goodwhite elites are perfectly OK with crude Nazi-style political violence, so long as it's directed against Badwhites peacefully assembled? Yes it does. Imprimis: You can add a new entry to the list of lifestyle — more accurately, I think, life-condition — acronyms.We had Yuppies, that was young urban professionals, and their relations the buppies, black urban professionals. Then we had Dinkies: double income, no kids. I'm sure there have been some others I've forgotten.Now, from across the pond, we're hearing about Jammies. That's J-A-M, for "just about managing."November 23rd the British Chancellor — that's equivalent to Treasury Secretary — gave his Autumn Statement to Parliament. In a follow-up statement, one of his department spokesflunkies said the following thing, quote: "The … government has also taken actions to support people that are just about managing throughout the U.K.," end quote.JAMs turn out to be people who are above the bottom ten percent of the income distribution but who work for low wages and receive few welfare benefits. They have little or nothing saved, and are vulnerable to inflation, job losses, and life emergencies. They're just about managing.It would be neat if some skilled social analyst — you there, Steve? — it would be neat if someone would break out the JAMs in our U.S. population, then tell us how many of them voted for Trump. My guess? Eighty percent.Item: I use the word "anti-white" a lot, possibly some listeners think too much.Well, I don't think so. Hatred of white people is a real force in American life, sometimes a lethal one.To illustrate that, here are three random headlines from one four-day period in one American city.First: CBS New York, November 20th, headline: Muggers Struck Man With Skateboard, Hurled Anti-White Slurs, Couple Claims.Second: New York Daily News, November 23rd, headline: Queens man cuffed for trying to push straphanger onto Harlem subway tracks; yelled, "I hate white people".Third: New York Post, November 23rd, headline: Bus driver allegedly does nothing while black teens attack white schoolgirls.You can read the stories for yourself, they're all on the internet. Or just look in your local newspaper.Again I ask: Is it any wonder that young white people are pushing back against this? Will someone — someone more influential than me, I mean — call to account the race hustlers, college commissars, and media shills who are stoking all this anti-white passion?Item: I missed this, until I spotted it on Daily Caller. Apparently Donald Trump is a fan of congressional term limits.October 18th The Donald put forward a plan to limit Senators to twelve years, Representatives to six. He actually proposed a Constitutional Amendment to that effect.Time magazine estimates this would put thirty-two senators and 226 congresscritters out of work, with the term "work" generously defined there.The idea of congressional term limits has been around for ever, of course. Newt Gingrich had them in his Contract with America twenty years ago. The trouble is that the people being asked to break the rice bowls are the same people that are feeding from them; the people being asked to empty the trough are the same people that have their snouts in it.Still, with an energetic new administration, anything might be possible. All honor and praise to Donald Trump for at least opening up the idea. I just like this guy more and more.Item: Wednesday next week, November 30th, is St Andrew's Day, the national day of Scotland. If you are of Scottish stock but have been passing on Burns' Night because you can't digest haggis, here's another opportunity to honor your ancestors.Andrew, as we Sunday School graduates all know, was the brother of St Peter. He was martyred by crucifixion on an X-shaped cross at Patras, in Western Greece, the landscape of which — sunshine aside, of course — looks just as coarse and craggy as Scotland's. Perhaps that's why they got him as a national saint.What do you eat on St Andrew's Day? Well, I'm afraid haggis can't be avoided altogether, but it doesn't seem to be compulsory. A nice loin of venison or shoulder of lamb will do as substitute.And then there's Cullen skink. How d'you make Cullen skink? Why, you cook up some skink the way they do in Cullen. Don't ask dumb questions!Item: Finally, also from Scotland: In case you succumbed to the sin of gluttony over your St Andrew's Day dinner, you'll be wanting to use Sindr.At any rate you will if you're a Roman Catholic. Sindr is a new smartphone app, currently being field tested by that church in Scotland. It gives you interactive maps showing the location of nearby churches, and the availability and schedule for confessions.There is I suppose a nonzero probability that Sindr has actually been snuck into the world by the Prince of Darkness to help him locate sinners and gobble up their souls before they can make it to the confessional.Speaking as a person who, watching my fellow citizens endlessly tapping with their thumbs at those wretched devices, wonders if the devices themselves are not instruments of Satan, I absolutely wouldn't rule this out.Free yourselves from your smartphones, citizens! — or prepare to face the eternal fire.
10 — Signoff. That's it, ladies and gents. Thank you for listening; and thanks whatever deities, SimLords or other sentient powers have so arranged terrestrial affairs as to bring joy to the heart of an old reactionary this holiday weekend.And speaking of the Supernatural: Did you darkly suspect that I included that snippet about the Roman Catholic Church at the end there just so that I could sign off with "The Vatican Rag"? Allow me to confirm your suspicion.There will be more from Radio Derb next week. Here's Tom Lehrer — who, by the way, is still with us at age 88.