If you`ve read Bryanna and Ed Rubenstein on Mike Pence`s plan for privatizing immigration, you may think it sounds like a joke. I can tell you the specific joke it sounds like:
You read about all these terrorists - most of them came here legally, but they hung around on these expired visas, some for as long as 10-15 years.
Now, compare that to Blockbuster: you`re two days late with a video and those people are all over you. Let`s put Blockbuster in charge of immigration.
Jay Leno on Homeland Security
The problem, seriously, is that you can`t privatize the enforcement parts of government; you either get too much enforcement, or not enough, depending on the incentives. Yes, Blockbuster wants their videos back, but what they really want is to rent a lot of videos, and get your money.
Privatized immigration will focus on letting people in, not keeping them out, just as immigration lawyers do.
Anyhow, enough of the Pence plan, let`s go more from a professionalcomedian: Jay Leno
Thursday Night May 25
- Mexico President Vicente Fox is in the U.S. for four days. Well that`s how it always starts. Four days, then three weeks, then four months.
- Fox was greeted with a traditional American welcome when he arrived here. He was offered a job at Wal-Mart.
- Mexico President Vicente Fox is in the United States. He`s been here three days and already has a job and a social security number.
Wednesday Night May 24
- Mexico President Vicente Fox arrived in the U.S. today. It`s official he`s the last one. Turn off the lights. They are all here now—don`t let the door hit you in the ass.
- The Senate has passed a resolution to make English the official language of the United States. In fact today, President Bush said, "It`s the goodest news he`s heard in a long time."
Monday Night May 22
- President Bush has proposed sweeping immigration changes; which is pretty amazing when you consider that before he became president, Bush thought immigration was the sincerest form of flattery.
- As you know, President Bush signed a huge tax cut. He`s hoping that these tax cuts for the rich will attract a wealthier more affluent group of illegal immigrants.
Friday Night May 19
- The Pentagon announced today that Iraq`s border is now 90% under control. Which is pretty impressive when you realize that San Diego`s border is only 20% under control.
- Immigration continues to be the big story. President Bush is insisting it would be cruel to take a hardworking person reaching for the American dream and just send them home. Hey "American Idol" does it every week.
- President Bush went to the border yesterday in Arizona. White House Spokesman Tony Snow said it was not a photo opportunity. Apparently Bush was just looking for some guys to do some landscaping around the White House.
- The president is serious about border enforcement. In fact before leaving the border Bush left a scarecrow of Dick Cheney with a shotgun.
- President Bush said today that he has nothing but respect for Mexico and it`s people and he will always speak the truth to them. Here`s my question, when can we get that deal? That sounds pretty good.
- The Senate has voted to make English the national language. More bad news for President Bush. Now he`s got to learn that.
- The Senate voted 63-34 to make English the official language of the United States. They say it`s a largely symbolic amendment with no real effect. You know like the congressional ethics bill.